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Edward Gorey Does Lord of the Rings
A is for Arwen, who missed the last boat
B is for Boromir, who punctured his coat
C is for Celeborn, outclassed by his dame
D is for Denethor, slightly insane
E is for Éowyn, whose pop kicked the bucket
F is for Frodo, who can't seem to chuck it
G is for Gimli, whose beard needs a comb
H is for Haldir, who should've stayed home
I is for Isildur, for whom arrows itch
J is for jewelry it's better to ditch
K is for Khazad-dum, in need of remodelling
L is for Legolas, whom fangirls keep ogling
M is for Mithrandir, who had a big fall
N is for Nazgûl, who's not fond of dolls
O is for Oliphaunts, who pack a big trunk
P is for Pippin, who's got lots of spunk
Q is for Quenya that's no longer spoken
R is for Redhorn: the ski slope ain't open!
S is for Saruman, who likes to raise Wargs
T is for Thingol, who got gypped by Dwarves
U is for Uruk-hai in need of a shower
V is for Varda, celeb with star power
W is for Wormtongue, whose diet is icky
X is for slash fic or hat tricks and hickeys
Y is Yavanna, a tree-huggin' darlin'
Z is for Zirik-zigil ... what's that in Sindarin?
B is for Boromir, who punctured his coat
C is for Celeborn, outclassed by his dame
D is for Denethor, slightly insane
E is for Éowyn, whose pop kicked the bucket
F is for Frodo, who can't seem to chuck it
G is for Gimli, whose beard needs a comb
H is for Haldir, who should've stayed home
I is for Isildur, for whom arrows itch
J is for jewelry it's better to ditch
K is for Khazad-dum, in need of remodelling
L is for Legolas, whom fangirls keep ogling
M is for Mithrandir, who had a big fall
N is for Nazgûl, who's not fond of dolls
O is for Oliphaunts, who pack a big trunk
P is for Pippin, who's got lots of spunk
Q is for Quenya that's no longer spoken
R is for Redhorn: the ski slope ain't open!
S is for Saruman, who likes to raise Wargs
T is for Thingol, who got gypped by Dwarves
U is for Uruk-hai in need of a shower
V is for Varda, celeb with star power
W is for Wormtongue, whose diet is icky
X is for slash fic or hat tricks and hickeys
Y is Yavanna, a tree-huggin' darlin'
Z is for Zirik-zigil ... what's that in Sindarin?
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(this way lies madness)
Re: (this way lies madness)
Me, too...
C: hopping up and down behind very tall Galadriel going "YOO HOO!" much in the style of Alice in Wonderland King of Hearts behind Queen of Hearts
D: crouched obsessively around a Palantir decorated like a Rubik's Cube
E: sitting on Theoden's knee getting pinched in the butt, murderous expression, reaching for sword. Eomer standing by saying, "Now, sis..."
F: exiting Orodruin Tattoo Parlour sporting a bright shiny new nosering and looking pleased with himself. Worried-looking Sam saying, "Um.. .Mr. Frodo?"
G: attempting to braid beard, bottom half horrible haystack frizz. Legolas standing behind him with crossed arms looking smug.
H: Haldir of the Large Nose being shown Peter Jackson script, sweatbeads.
I: Isildur standing in line at Gates of St. Peter (crossed out and changed to Mandos) with arrows in his back, various people pointing and lauging.
J: Council of Elrond all staring bug-eyed at the ring sitting on pedestal. Ominous little bits o smoke coming out of it.
K: Balrog and Watcher of the Pool doing a tap-dance on Balin's tomb.
L: Legolas running from huge mob of slavering fangirls.
M: Gandalf standing just off the end of the broken bridge just noticing he's not standing on anything; obvious Wiley E. Coyote background.
N: Frontal view of large grim reaper type figure staring down at very short bristling Eowyn with her back to camera.
O: Carrying suitcase to Black Gate, which looks suspiciously like Excalibur in Las Vegas.
P: sticking out tongue at Palantir, cupping it in his lap.
Q: Galadriel reciting a poem in Quenya from the swan boat, and everyone paddling away. Legolas thinking: "What is she ON?" Pippin: "Merry, you didn't give her any of the mushrooms, did you?" Frodo: "Can't cope... going to Mordor."
R: Fellowship gathered around bottom of lift glaring at Gandalf, hands spread apologetically. Legolas skiing in background in his booties.
S: Greyhound races around perimeter Isenguard.
U: Lurtz the Noseless Orc glaring at Saruman, S. wearing a clothes-pin on his sizable schnoz.
V: Lady Liberty-style goddess sticking an Ian McKellan star on walk of fame?
W: Wormtongue reheating... something... in the microwave at BagEnd.
X: Bored of the Rings cover.
Y: holding one of the two dead trees and sobbing.
Z: Geeky fan with hundreds of Tolkien-related books piled around him in his room, searching through a Sindar-Naugrim Naugrim-Sindar dictionary. Wearing a Mith Academy T-shirt. Face mostly hidden except top of head (Legolas braids) by book. Replicas of swords and Orthanc and Bag End and little action figures all over the bookshelves. Ring on finger.
no subject
I should NOT BE DOING THIS
At the risk of being murdered for fufilling my social obligations with all the grace of a slime mold
Nevertheless, the time is wasted, so I may as well post the fruits after the fact...
next installment...
And here is the THING. The EVIL THING that has stolen me away from you all more than anything else.
Now in technicolor.
Fan art!!!
How can I possibly top that?