Edward Gorey Does Lord of the Rings

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A is for Arwen, who missed the last boat
B is for Boromir, who punctured his coat
C is for Celeborn, outclassed by his dame
D is for Denethor, slightly insane
E is for Éowyn, whose pop kicked the bucket
F is for Frodo, who can't seem to chuck it
G is for Gimli, whose beard needs a comb
H is for Haldir, who should've stayed home
I is for Isildur, for whom arrows itch
J is for jewelry it's better to ditch
K is for Khazad-dum, in need of remodelling
L is for Legolas, whom fangirls keep ogling
M is for Mithrandir, who had a big fall
N is for Nazgûl, who's not fond of dolls
O is for Oliphaunts, who pack a big trunk
P is for Pippin, who's got lots of spunk
Q is for Quenya that's no longer spoken
R is for Redhorn: the ski slope ain't open!
S is for Saruman, who likes to raise Wargs
T is for Thingol, who got gypped by Dwarves
U is for Uruk-hai in need of a shower
V is for Varda, celeb with star power
W is for Wormtongue, whose diet is icky
X is for slash fic or hat tricks and hickeys
Y is Yavanna, a tree-huggin' darlin'
Z is for Zirik-zigil ... what's that in Sindarin?

Comments

Me, too...

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One more... then I am pulling the plug on the computer before I waste the day. Gah.




C: hopping up and down behind very tall Galadriel going "YOO HOO!" much in the style of Alice in Wonderland King of Hearts behind Queen of Hearts
D: crouched obsessively around a Palantir decorated like a Rubik's Cube
E: sitting on Theoden's knee getting pinched in the butt, murderous expression, reaching for sword. Eomer standing by saying, "Now, sis..."
F: exiting Orodruin Tattoo Parlour sporting a bright shiny new nosering and looking pleased with himself. Worried-looking Sam saying, "Um.. .Mr. Frodo?"
G: attempting to braid beard, bottom half horrible haystack frizz. Legolas standing behind him with crossed arms looking smug.
H: Haldir of the Large Nose being shown Peter Jackson script, sweatbeads.
I: Isildur standing in line at Gates of St. Peter (crossed out and changed to Mandos) with arrows in his back, various people pointing and lauging.
J: Council of Elrond all staring bug-eyed at the ring sitting on pedestal. Ominous little bits o smoke coming out of it.
K: Balrog and Watcher of the Pool doing a tap-dance on Balin's tomb.
L: Legolas running from huge mob of slavering fangirls.
M: Gandalf standing just off the end of the broken bridge just noticing he's not standing on anything; obvious Wiley E. Coyote background.
N: Frontal view of large grim reaper type figure staring down at very short bristling Eowyn with her back to camera.
O: Carrying suitcase to Black Gate, which looks suspiciously like Excalibur in Las Vegas.
P: sticking out tongue at Palantir, cupping it in his lap.
Q: Galadriel reciting a poem in Quenya from the swan boat, and everyone paddling away. Legolas thinking: "What is she ON?" Pippin: "Merry, you didn't give her any of the mushrooms, did you?" Frodo: "Can't cope... going to Mordor."
R: Fellowship gathered around bottom of lift glaring at Gandalf, hands spread apologetically. Legolas skiing in background in his booties.
S: Greyhound races around perimeter Isenguard.
U: Lurtz the Noseless Orc glaring at Saruman, S. wearing a clothes-pin on his sizable schnoz.
V: Lady Liberty-style goddess sticking an Ian McKellan star on walk of fame?
W: Wormtongue reheating... something... in the microwave at BagEnd.
X: Bored of the Rings cover.
Y: holding one of the two dead trees and sobbing.
Z: Geeky fan with hundreds of Tolkien-related books piled around him in his room, searching through a Sindar-Naugrim Naugrim-Sindar dictionary. Wearing a Mith Academy T-shirt. Face mostly hidden except top of head (Legolas braids) by book. Replicas of swords and Orthanc and Bag End and little action figures all over the bookshelves. Ring on finger.